Hello girlfriend who has just been invited to Thanksgiving dinner by your new black boyfriend (this also goes to you boyfriends who have been invited by your new black girlfriend). This invitation should be considered an honor, and treated as an audition for a Christmas invitation. Lets be real, if you don’t pass this Thanksgiving test, you can go ahead and cancel Black Christmas, an even more magical time.
In order to survive this Thanksgiving audition, you must follow this detailed checklist of 10 Things to Remember at a Black Thanksgiving. If you feel that things aren’t going well at any point during the day, you can reference this list to get back on track. We just want you to succeed & have baked macaroni and sweet potato pie privileges for the next year. At the very least, following this list should keep you out of harms way, and save you a beatdown from one of his family members.
10 Things to Remember at a Black Thanksgiving:
- Do NOT bring Green Bean Casserole! We don’t eat that shit!
- Bringing store bought pie can get you shot. Beware!
- Make sure your clothes are new! Thanksgiving is a black fashion show. Don’t get left behind on the kitchen runway. You might become the subject of a roasting session.
- When the cousins go on a store run, do not go! It’s not a store run. They’re doing drugs!
- When the drunk uncle comes in, RUN! He can get a little handsy…
- Please offer to help in the kitchen, even if you don’t want to OFFER. Trust me, it saves lives!
- (For the ladies) Make that man a plate before his grandma cusses you out!
- If someone asks for your opinion about politics, just say “I love Obama” all night long, even if you don’t. Trust me.
- Bringing a bottle gets you out of 1-8.
- Don’t compliment anybody’s weave. Just don’t.
Now that you’ve been brushed up, you have all the tools to be successful at your first Black Thanksgiving. We have faith in you, and remember if you run into any problems. Reference these black Thanksgiving commandments.